This letter was written by a mother who came to Life Centers of Ventura County for counseling and assistance. She was encouraged to write a letter to her unborn baby to help her heal some of the inner turmoil that was plaguing her. She gave LCVC unlimited permission to publish and/or share this in any way that it might help others.
April 12, 2015
When I was asked to write a letter to you Seth I admit that I did not even know where to begin. What could I possible say to you? For almost two weeks I pondered this very question.
I have a good friend who just found out she is pregnant. She sends me web pictures of the babies progression. But this week she went in for an ultrasound. Yesterday as a matter of fact. She sent me the most amazing pictures of her 13.5 week baby boy. She described how hyper he was jumping or doing flips in her womb. He seemed so excited to be there. It even looked like he was waving.
As I looked at her pictures reading her description It made me think of you at 13.5 weeks alive and growing. What a wonder! I would have rather been happy about you growing inside of me like she is about her baby boy. I would give anything to change the past and be excited about the wonderful gift God gave me, no matter how young I was.
So many girls kept their babies. I’m sorry I did not. Even if God would have granted me a husband to bring about other children, you would still be missing. No one could take the place of Seth. Every time I see a little boy I can’t help but think of you. I know you would be 41 now. That just really blows my mind. I wonder what kind of man you would have been.
It’s still really hard for me to grasp this fully. I ignored it for so long. How can I love you? I don’t deserve to love you. It’s painful to love you because I’m guilty of taking your life. No matter how much God forgives me or I forgive myself. But little by little my heart is opening to you. I wish you were here so I could love you. I have to learn to love you from where you are.
I know one day I will see you. I don’t know what to expect as far as what age you will be. But in the presence of Jesus it will be a good reunion.